Some Thoughts About Chicken

01 Feb 2006

I saw that McDonald's launched a new "Premium Chicken" sandwich today. Like most people over, say, 25 years old, I eat lunch at McDonald's about two or three times per year--and that's mostly because I'm in some sort of a rush. Oh, sure, I stop by another two or three times per year for a hash brown or some other morning nibbler, but it's just not a place I frequent.

My point, though, is this: Don't they realize that, by calling *just one* of their chicken sandwiches "Premium," the company is implying that all of the other chicken products offered at the restaurant are sub-premuim? And, "sub-premium" is a very nice way to say "barely edible crap," isn't it?

For some reason, the office next to mine is cursed. Almost everyone who has ever been stationed there winds up getting fired. (Don't worry, this *does* relate to the subject of chicken ... I just need to go off on a tangent for a moment.) I have a theory to explain this phenomenon. That office is situated directly behind the wall of a large service room in the building. That service room houses a monstrous motor that powers the building's main elevator. So, my theory is that the enormous field of electro-magnetic radiation created by that elevator motor casts a weird aura into that office--a sort of toxic pall that permeates the room and causes its occupant to do strange things (which ultimately play a role in getting him or her fired).

Case in point: About three guys ago, there was a real estate specialist in there. He was a pretty hefty character, as I recall--weighed maybe 240 or 250. What was strange, though, was how he loved to eat chicken wings. This guy used to go out for a 20-piece box of barbecue-flavored wings, and he'd down the whole thing for lunch--regularly!Now, let's just figure out the fat content of that meal, shall we? First, go to the KFC "Nutrition" web site. It's at:

According to the site, 6 of these wings has 33 grams of fat, 47% of your daily salt needs, and 540 calories. So, one wing has 5.5 grams of fat, 7.83% of your daily salt, and 90 calories.So, TWENTY wings for lunch has 110 grams of fat, 156% of your salt intake, and 1,800 calories. Now, the biscuit (he always got a biscuit) added 190 calories, another 10 rams of fat, and another 24% of his daily salt intake. And, the large Pepsi would add another 280 calories. So, here's a dude regularly eating 2,270 calories, 120 grams of fat, and 180% of his daily salt needs --for friggin' LUNCH --REGULARLY!!!

Did he get fired? Yes. Why? Because he was too slow. Imagine that--someone eating 120 grams of fat every day for lunch finding himself unable to perform up to snuff. Now, I'm no rail-thin person myself, but I suppose I've exhibited at least enough self-control to have given the management confidence that my "work efficiency" is and will remain at whatever standard they expect. Well, that, and I've been fortunate enough to have escaped sitting in that cursed office.

So, that's the end of my chicken commentary for the day.

There was one other exceptionally big guy in that office two or three people later, by the way. This guy was HUGE--made the real estate specialist look like a pansy. This dude was 6' 1" or 6' 2" and weighed in easily at 320 pounds. (Not a lot of muscle, either.) The man could eat like a machine. He used to down all of this complete and utter crap in the name of the Atkins diet. For breakfast, he'd proudly walk around announcing how he'd just eaten an entire jar of disgustingViennasausages, for example.After a few weeks, he started to complain about chest pains, and decided maybe the Atkins diet wasn't for him after all. Gee, you think?

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