Reader, I Looked At Her Pie ...

14 Jan 2008

In the grocery store last night, I bumped into an old friend I hadn't seen in years.

"Oh my God, Patrick," she said. "You look incredible! You've lost weight!"

"Thanks ... yeah." (I'm not sure how else to respond to these kinds of awkward situations. But it's true; I'm probably 40-45 lbs. lighter than when I used to ride the bus home with this woman.)

"How'd you lose the weight?"

"Oh, you know, mostly I just changed my diet. I eat a lot of fruits and veggies."

At this point, my old friend began outlining her struggle with weight and cholesterol. As she did, I admit that I scanned her cart and, though I honestly didn't mean to, fixed my gaze on a large pumpkin pie therein for maybe two entire seconds.

She followed my gaze down to the pie. I was busted.

Immediately, she began making excuses for having the pie, and I really felt awful. "I'm sorry," I said. "I wasn't being judgmental ... or, at least, I didn't consciously intend to be ... "

Thankfully, she didn't seem to take offense. So, I quickly made light of it: "But, hey, pie probably doesn't have much cholesterol, right? I'm not sure if pie does or doesn't. Probably just meat and dairy. Anyway, a little pie now and then ... But, seriously, how are your kids?"

The moral: Try as I may to not be an asshole, it emerges naturally from time to time. A single glance downward and I hurt this woman's feelings. I feel pretty shitty about that glance.

Original Comments

Below, are the original comments on this post. Additional comments may be made via Facebook, below.

On January 14, 2008, Beth wrote:

Ugh. But maybe your not-meant-to glance helped her reevaluate her purchases.

I did something even worse recently. Will mortify myself in an upcoming post.

On January 14, 2008, The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: wrote:

Precisely why I bake my own pies from scatch at home or hide them at the bottom of the buggy under bags of baby spinach and brown rice.

On January 14, 2008, Anonymous wrote:

maybe she was looking at your zucchini!


On January 14, 2008, Dragon Laugh wrote:

By the way, your new pup is - as cute overload would say it - redonkulously cute. Tewtally.

On January 15, 2008, sid wrote:

Agh I hate it when people talk about their diets/food etc.

On January 15, 2008, Woodrow wrote:

I thought it was funny. So it was worth the embarrassment, right?

On January 15, 2008, Belinda wrote:

Hahahahahaha :oP

May I suggest you go stand in McDonalds and stare at the trays of people buying a Super Size Meal, chocolate sundae ... and a Diet Coke.

On January 16, 2008, Hot Lemon wrote:

I thought *I* was the only person who did this shit by accident.

On January 18, 2008, Grant Miller wrote:

I love pie.

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