Denn the Hunter Calls Me On a Technicality ...

04 Dec 2007

machete.jpg

The other day, in my commentary on deadskin player Sean Taylor, I posed the question:

Seriously, who besides possibly Indiana Jones keeps a motherfucking machete in the goddamn bedroom?!

Well, it seems a reader by the name of "DennTheHunter" has called me on this. He wrote:

Didn't you keep a machete in your room when you were in high school? (emphasis added)

You know, I think it's healthy for bloggers to have at least a few people who know them in "real life" check in once in a while. Keeps everyone honest ... DennTheHunter's true identity is one Alec Baldwin, mentioned previously within these hallowed pages in the context of various drunken teenage adventures. I hate to say it, but he's right -- really seasons my previous position on machetes with perhaps just a pinch of good ol' hypocrisy, doesn't it?

Technically, I could answer "no" to DennTheHunter's question. You see, it was in junior high school. But, in my defense, the machete wasn't there for protection; it was there because the movie Raiders of the Lost Ark had come out just a year or so prior to my acquiring the blade. Alec's little brother (Simon LeBon) and I enthusiastically watched that movie many, many times.

Anyway, I bought it at a souvenir shop in Branson, Missouri (which was only just beginning to explode as the Mecca for all things Midwestern -- damn near supplanted Nashville for having "the most people with a drawl in one place simultaneously," as far as I've heard). As soon as I saw that huge, badass-looking mofo on the wall of the souvenir stand, I HAD to possess it -- with every ounce of my 12-year-old being. I envisioned myself bushwhacking deep into uncharted regions of the forests near my home, discovering lost cities and of course plundering ancient tombs.

The fun lasted approximately two minutes. I walked into the woods swinging away like Indiana Jones on crack, but caught a small sapling that didn't want to break. Instead, it just bent downward in a fast arc, casing me to chop myself hard on the left knee. Went all the way to the bone. I still have a scar where they stitched me back together.

So, to answer DennTheHunter's question: Yes, but I still think Sean Taylor was a bit of a nutcase.

Original Comments

Below, are the original comments on this post. Additional comments may be made via Facebook, below.

On December 5, 2007, Doc wrote:

Am I weird that I still keep a machete in the bedroom? I only use it for my back hair.

Doc

On December 5, 2007, Hot Lemon wrote:

nononono, I liked. I actually had one of these bay-bees.

On December 5, 2007, Grant Miller wrote:

I had the same Indy Jones fascinating when I was that age and slept with a giant whip under my bed.

I guess not a lot has changed.

On December 12, 2007, Vica wrote:

I too must pile on and admit that I also had a machete when I was in high school. Actually a sentimental knick knack. Uh, does that make having one Less Bizarre or More?

But I am pleased to say that I do not have any scars as a result. Sigh. I remeber when I was actually coordinated. Those were the days.

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