Handy Tip for Pyros

22 Aug 2007


If memory serves, my wife once categorized people into two distinct camps: (1) those who exist inside their own heads (the so-called "in my head" types) and (2) those who exist in the minds of others (the so-called "in your head" types). Basically, type ones are much more concerned with what's going on inside their own minds than they are able to tell what's going on inside the minds of others -- always daydreaming, self-absorbed. Type twos like to figure out what makes others tick. I'm more of a type one; she's more of a type two. I don't know why I just thought of that ...

Maybe it's because I'm sitting here on vacation not really doing much. I seem to spend so much time during my normal life sneaking away with my thoughts and, now that I'm sitting here entirely alone (a rarity), I no longer have to sneak. I'm free to think all I want. But, it's also not my normal mode of accessing my thoughts. I'm used to stealing a half-hour here at work, an hour there at night.

Being alone has been a rarity for me. When I know I'm going to be alone, I always think to myself: Gee, I can work on this project, or that one, or start a new one, or play the piano really loud, or break out the electric guitar and crank it, or watch that horror flick I've been wanting to see, grab a little junk food, drink some Guinness, not necessarily close the door when using the bathroom, or whatever. But sometimes it just seems like the universe doesn't want to let you do those things.

My wife's out of town for the week; the kid's on a sleep-over tonight. And speaking of fate, it seems the universe has been pretty much against our (my daughter and my) plans this week. We'd schedled quite a number of outdoor activities, and so of course have gotten almost as much rain as when the remnants of hurricane Ivan rolled by a few years back. Still, we've had fun. Book hunting, mostly, a time-honored indoor pastime. She's added to her growing collection of cat books; I picked up a Latin dictionary, a hardback of Brothers Karamazov, a book on how to integrate solar power into a home building project, and an obscure courtroom drama written by Ayn Rand (all for pennies at various thrift stores).

Tonight, though, I have the place all to myself. After much introspection on how to best spend the alone time, I figured I'd finally break out that can of Aqua Net, a Bic lighter, a couple Budweisers, and my digital camera. Have some good old fashioned fire-oriented fun in the driveway.

Well, I don't know what in the hell happened to the hairspray industry in the last few decades, but I'm here to report that the stuff is barely flammable these days. What a downer. I'd bought a cheap can of Aqua Net, just like in the picture, above -- held up my Bic, and sprayed the stuff defiantly into the flame. No explosion, no blow-torch-like fireball, no singed eyebrows. It was a huge letdown. [*sigh*] Oh sure, there was a small crackle of flame, but it was pathetic. I really need to find something aerosol that is intensely flammable ... maybe paint? Any suggestions from fellow pyros?

In the meantime, I rented eight movies. That ought to occupy me for a while: (1) The Number 23, (2) Premonition, (3) Inland Empire, (4) V for Vendetta, (5) Lucky Number Slevin, (6) The Departed, (7) A Scanner Darkly, (8) Men in Black II. I've nothing else to say at the moment. Perhaps I'll test-post another series I've been meaning to write up -- weird fears of mine. See below for Volume 6.

[Side note for Evil Genius: No promises, but I'm considering imaginarily dating Charlize Theron very soon!]

Original Comments

Below, are the original comments on this post. Additional comments may be made via Facebook, below.

On August 22, 2007, Doc wrote:

Flannery is right. OFF! bugspray will get you that fireball you wanted. Also "V for Vendetta" was excellent!


On August 22, 2007, minijonb wrote:

I got no advice on the pyro issue, but I highly recommend A Scanner Darkly for obvious reasons.

On August 22, 2007, Dragon Laugh wrote:

I wish I was still on vacation. Just wet back to work (and school) today. Enjoy The Number 23!

On August 23, 2007, Evil Genius wrote:

There are people who live outside of their own head? Fascinating!

On August 23, 2007, yllwdaisies wrote:

Is your wife ok w/ you imaginarily dating Charlize? If you do, can I imaginarily meet her? I kinda have a girl-crush on her.

On August 25, 2007, Chris wrote:

Or ... .

Mix a handful of calcium hypochlorite (pool shock treatment) in a sheet of foil, pour in a tablespoon or so of brake fluid, wad it up into a ball and throw it onto a non-flammable surface. Wait 1 minute for the reaction:)

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