Cat Litter Stories

02 Apr 2007

The above is a wicked-cool 3-D rendering of the cat litter area in our home. Here's what everything is:

1, 2, 3, and 5: Shag carpet-lined shelves for climbing, relaxing, etc.

4: Window

6 and 7: Up and down ramps

8: The "big box" -- a wooden structure to ensure that the cats don't shovel litter all over the damn place

9 and 10: Tandem litter boxes

You probably think I wasted a lot of time drawing our cat litter area. But, actually, I wasted even more than you think. Here are some other views:

AERIAL VIEW:

FRONT VIEW:

Just kidding ... All that only took 10 minutes. I used Google's free program, Sketchup. (Takes only a half-hour or so to learn, and then you're a 3-D jedi-master.)

Anyway, we had one hell of a close call in the Hillman family room last night. My wife was chatting online, I was reading Atlas Shrugged, and my daughter was sewing. Suddenly, my daughter said, "Oh my god, Trillian just went to the bathroom on the rug."

For those who don't know, Trillian is our cat. She's black. She's overweight. She's shy. She ... shit on our rug! What the fuck!???!

We'd been out running around all day; we'd just returned home and had just five minutes prior to this episode sat down and began doing our own relaxing things. Well, guess who's the designated shit cleaner in our household? Yep, you guessed it ... My wife would totally gag if she attempted it; my daughter's still too young to ask to scrub shit. So, it falls to me.

I was pissed. How out of character for that cat! Sure she's large and all. But, she's generally excellent when it comes to keeping her business in the awesome litter box area shown above. Fuck, I was mad. I went to find the Resolve (the spray cleaner, not my own mental resolution), a scrub brush, some paper towels, and a plastic bag. It was going to be one of those evenings, I thought.

However, as I knelt beside the small pile, I noticed something odd -- or, rather, I noticed something missing. There was no ungodly offensive odor. So, I smiled broadly and said, "Hey, I think it's not shit!"

They scoffed, of course. It really looked like shit.

"No, I'm serious, it doesn't smell at all." Check it out ...

Now, at this point, I was fairly certain it wasn't shit. (I'd never have done something so brazen as what I'll describe if I weren't sure ... ) I picked up the main "turd" with a paper towel and brought it close to my face and sniffed loudly. My wife nearly vomited at the thought.

"I was right!!! It's not shit! It doesn't smell ... It's not shit !!!"

At first, they didn't believe me, but I said, "Ann [that's my wife], no one on this earth could put actual cat shit that close to their own face and live to tell the tale."

That's when my daughter remembered about hairballs. Trillian's a relatively new cat for us. Unlike our other cat, Sotheby, she sheds like an MF-er. So, she gets hairballs (rarely, though).

We all breathed a sigh of relief. Trillian is still a good feline. She's a little fat, and coughs up hairballs sometimes, but she takes her business to the litter area like a good cat.

Original Comments

Below, are the original comments on this post. Additional comments may be made via Facebook, below.

On April 3, 2007, Hanmee wrote:

Wha? No picture of the hairball?

On April 3, 2007, Anonymous wrote:

Check out www.koolim.com.

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