- Category: Humor
- Written by Jim Dee
Details continue to emerge about the chain-smoking French face transplant lady, Isabelle Dinoire. According to the AP, "Dinoire, a divorced mother of two teenage daughters, spoke frankly about the attack in May by her Labrador. She said she was wrestling with personal problems at the time, had had a trying week, and 'took some drugs to forget,' which knocked her out. She said she was passed out when the dog bit her, and she did not immediately realize the extent of her disfigurement when she awoke."
That's an interesting paragraph. In revealing the details of how the incident took place, the AP writer made a strange word choice --"wrestling" with personal problems. When I first read that word, I expected it to relate to the *dog * (e.g., "wrestling with the dog"). But, no, she was only "wrestling" with personal problems. I was actually disappointed to learn that she wasn't wrestling with the dog when this happened, as that would have been a much more interesting story. Anyway, I wonder what personal problems she was wrestling with? Could it be that she has two teenaged daughters? Could it be that she has a drug problem? Could it be that she owned a dog that looked like it just might turn on her one day?
The dog, according to the AP report, was "euthanized." I find that an interesting word choice as well, as "euthanized" usually implies a more or less humane approach toward ending a life. Let me tell you something: Any day I wake up from O-D-ing on Xanax and find my Labrador retriever munching on what's left of my face, two things are sure to happen. First, I suppose I'll be calling 9-1-1. And, second, I'm gong kick the living shit out of the dog. There's not going to be anything humane about it -- no PETA, no Bob Barker, no nothing. If a dog eats my face, I'm killing it's ass. End of dog.
On the other hand ... Perhaps we should approach this philosophically as well. Just to keep everything even-keeled. What caused the dog to become the kind of dog that would eat a woman's face? Did they rough-house with the dog too much? Did they fail to instill the proper "master-dog" world-view into the dog's phyche? Did they perhaps beat or otherwise abuse the dog? (That would give the story quite a spin, wouldn't it?)
Or, was the woman so whacked out on drugs that the dog was actually attempting to revive her? Perhaps her lab was actually doing something heroic and inadvertently mangled her face in the process. (If that's the case, I take back my angry dog-killing verbiage, above ... ) Recall Montecore, for example, the 600-lb white tiger that ended the Siegfried & Roy show when it "bit" Roy Horn. According to most accounts of the story, Roy, who lay bleeding to death backstage and in the ambulance, continually pleaded with those surrounding him to make sure that no one harmed Montecore as a result of this. (BTW, What caused Montecore to freak out in the first place? The answer: A woman in front row had an unusually large hairdo.)
After quite an extensive internet search, I finally managed to find the dog's name: Tania. Apparently, that's Latin for "Fairy Queen." How sweet. By the way, I went to a Kabala web site to see what Montecore means. Here's the result: " ...Although the name Montecore creates the urge to be both logical and technical, we emphasize that it causes an emotional intensity that is hard to control." Damn, Roy Horn really needs to visit that web site next time he names a tiger.
December 2007 Update: To the literally thousands of people who have discovered my blog via this page lately, I invite you to become a regular reader. Click here to visit my most current posts. Bookmark it, read it often, tell your friends and enemies. And, since you obviously like painfully weird tales, get yourself a copy of my memoir, Tales of the Midwest. It's chock full of the weirdest tales I know.
Below, are the original comments on this post. Additional comments may be made via Facebook, below.
On August 2, 2007, wrote:
You on Isabelle Dinoire’s lab attack blew my lungs off laughing. And then bringing the Montecore incident at the end closes it with even more than hilarious. tnx
On December 16, 2008, wrote:
This story is completely stupid and anybody who believes the dog ate half her face is stupid and should be "EUTHANIZED" themselves. [ ... ] All though [ ... ],.
I love irony. This person has just castigated some people for their "stupidity," then goes on to write all though. The world is truly a delightful place!
On December 17, 2008, wrote:
I also believe the dog was trying to revive her. IF he wanted to eat her, why would he stop at the face? We all know that if a dog likes a certain food, he will eat a lot of it. If the dog were trying to eat her, he would have eaten much more!
Although the dog seems to be a hero in this story, please name me one person who would want to keep him after this incident? How could you sleep at night? How could you let the dog play with children? Even if the dog was only trying to help, the fact remains that he caused horrific damage. That alone is the reason why it was euthanized.
On December 20, 2008, wrote:
drugs wont ever help to forget all our problems ... so i think what she did was extremely wrong..and..she deserves this dog bite ... but still anyone who hears this incident bout her wil surely feel sorry 4 her..!
On November 1, 2009, wrote:
Omg I never comment on anything like this but you are so god damn dumb its irritating.
On April 23, 2010, wrote:
So sad to hear about the dog being put down.. as many people commented.. once more due to human stupidity and insensitivity.
I am really happy to read a lot of people share my point of view in thinking no dog would do that to anyone for no reason.. the blogger is an ass and I sincerely hope he never keeps any animal.
I believe this to be typical human nature, do something stupid and then find someone else to blame it on. Unluckily the dog couldn't defend himself.
On January 26, 2011, wrote:
aw could i be terribly cliche ?
the poor dog it was that died. sighhhh
On March 28, 2012, wrote:
Her dog should not have died! She created the problem it was not her dogs fault. I believe the dog was trying to save her. Labs are not known to be 'man eaters'. They try to save lives!
On May 25, 2012, wrote:
If she was suicidal that meant she was miserable. Probably she took out her anger and misery on the dog and abused it. She also prob didn't feed the dog. I don't ever know of a lab that attack it's owner. Dogs are loyal creatures and they have been known to put their own lives in dangers to risk it for their owners. I think this lady is a crack head loser that is abusive. There's no way a dog would do that. She obviously didn't love it either because she didn't even make sure that he had a proper home before she tried to kill herself ... I have a dog and if I was going to kill myself I would make sure my shih tzu was taken care off.
On July 21, 2013, wrote:
Jesus I hope you never own a dog. Or have a child. You sound like someone who has some serious anger management issues. The idea that you would rather kick the shit out of a dog until it dies rather than put it down humanely regardless of whatever it did points to some pretty serious problems. I am betting you were the victim of abuse as a child, and helpless yourself to fight back, so you have lingering feelings of rage. Get help before you do hurt someone or something.