- Category: Opinion
- Written by Jim Dee
Fuck flu shots!
IMHO, this whole country has gone full-on, mass-hysterical, flu shot crazy. And it motherfucking has to stop. Why is the solution to all of our problems a shot or a pill? Is it possible that the whole flu shot craze is really a hoax perpetrated by Big Pharma, Big Brother, and possibly even the Notorious B.I.G.? (Okay, just kidding on that final one; I just needed three "Big" examples there for rhetorical effect.)
Are you in a "risk group" they ask? Ever exposed to children? ... the elderly? ... the Earth's atmosphere? Then YES, you NEED a flu shot. Well, fuck flu shots. That's what I say. I'm not getting one now or in the future. I don't care how many children or seniors I expose myself to. (Uhhh, wait, I didn't mean it quite that way.)
BTW, here's another novel thought: Want to improve your immune system? How about, I don't know ... eating a little healthier?! What's our primary "risk group" eating for lunch at school these days? Pizza and chocolate milk 5 days/week? And we wonder why their little immune systems can't withstand a common cold? Helpful hint from Patrick: They're small, they're round, they're delicious. They're called oranges, kiddies.
Aww, fuck it. Nevermind ... Keep pumping your kids full of Mountain Dew and Sour Patch Kids for breakfast. While they're getting their flu shots, you can use the extra time to catch up on the latest diabetes meds! Now THAT's efficient parenting! I hear they're coming up with some powerful new drugs; soon you won't even need that pesky endocrine system at all. And, if you get too depressed about everything, there's always Zoloft.
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On November 20, 2007, wrote:
I keep waiting for a flu bad enough to get me off work for a week, fuck the flu shot.