IMHO Installment #63: I'm a Little Evil

28 Jun 2007


Okay, so I'm a little bit evil. But you knew that. That's why you come back and read this crap, right? Vicarious thrills ... because you're really evil, too, but you just don't allow yourself the pleasure of embracing it sometimes. It's a theory. Kick it around.

Oh, sure, maybe Evil Genius is evil ... It's part of his handle, after all. But, some of you out there are wholly too good. Aww, man, I'm getting sidetracked ... I was just reminded of an old Woody Guthrie tune. Let me quote it here. (It'll make this post annoyingly long, which is evil.)

I'm the meanest man that ever had a brain,
All I scatter is aches and pains.
I'm carbolic acid, and a poison face,
And I stand flat-footed in favor of crime and disgrace.
If I ever done a good deed -- I'm sorry of it.
I'm mean in the East, mean in the West,
Mean to the people that I like the best.
I go around a-causin' lot of accidents,
And I push folks down, and I cause train wrecks.
I'm a big disaster -- just goin' somewhere's to happen.
I'm an organized famine -- studyin' now I can be a little bit meaner.
I'm still a whole lot too good to suit myself -- just mean ...
I ride around on the subway trains,
Laughin' at the tight shoes dealin' you pain.
And I laugh when the car shakes from side to side,
I laugh my loudest when other people cry.
Can't help it -- I was born good, I guess,
Just like you or anybody else ---
But then I ... just turned off mean.

That's Mean Talkin' Blues , by Mr. Guthrie. I used to quote those last few lines regularly, for some reason ("I was born good, just like you or anybody else, but then I ... just turned off mean."). I'm unsure whether I liked what they said or possibly just how Woody utters them with that certain drawl -- or maybe a combination, that whole Guthrie dynamic.

Anyway, why am I mean?

You may have noticed the odd HR-related piece I've written -- here, here, here, here, here, etc. That's because I'm tangentially involved in the HR field (aside from my main marketing duties). I do a little headhunting on the side, you might say (although, some of those articles referenced above are from the job seeker's POV).

So, I was talking to a company recently that needed a new manager (as they were planning to fire their current one). If I wouldn't have been in top sales mode, I think they'd have possibly given the old manager another chance. But, I pushed the matter a little bit and got the poor bastard fired. I basically clinched it. Why? ... Well, because that'll allow me to find them someone else -- someone better -- and then charge an exorbitant fee for doing so.

But, there are two ways of judging this situation:

1. I got a guy canned for my own profit.

2. The opportunity to help these people was 99% due to the current manager's complete incompetence. He'd almost certainly have fucked up again real bad real soon and been fired anyway. Getting the dude fired (a) helps the company, as they'll replace him with a non-loser, and (b) may offer the newly unemployed manager a bit of a wake-up call, thus helping him as well.

The fact of the matter is I'm a little evil sometimes. Both of the above are true. Neither, however, are the evil of which I speak. The evil here is my allowing myself to believe that #1 is evil when #2 was part of the equation. That dumb fucker was asking for his own death; I simply delivered it.

Best regards,

-Patrick Hillman

(aka The Angel of Death, the Grim Reaper, etc.)

Original Comments

Below, are the original comments on this post. Additional comments may be made via Facebook, below.

On June 28, 2007, Love Monkey wrote:

I am also an angel of death.

But as you say, most of the time, death is coming - we just make it swift and relatively painless for all involved.

I however, never seem to make a commission on my grim reaper duties.


On July 1, 2007, Monstro wrote:

I, myself, am so evil that I once shot a man ... just for snoring.

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