IMHO Installment #45: Some News Pages are Strange

17 May 2007

Sometimes the whole is collectively more weird than the sum of its oddball parts, you know? This is a great screen-grab from Yahoo this morning. I mean, I know how news headlines work -- what they actually mean, etc. But still, it's funny to read about "tall, small" people. What IS a "tall, small" person, anyway? I mean, we have specialty shops for petites, and also for "big and tall" -- but don't you feel sorry for the "tall, small" set? I know I do. Where DO they shop!? Perhaps it's a just a rare, inverted psychological dilemma suffered by those with hyperactive pituitary glands who also cannot shoot a basketball ...

"Ironically," cries the tall, small man, "the higher I grow, the lower I feel. I'm 7'2" and uncoordinated. Should've been in the NBA. But noooo, I have to be the only 7'2" oaf in the world -- nothing but a sideshow freak. I should've been larger than life, a household name. Who'll see me now? I'm nothing; I'm small ! And, oh GOD, now even air bags are bad for me."

And then there's that weird homophobic "gay rat" advertisement. What in the fuck is that all about? There's that small, cowering black rat in the foreground, like he's saying, "Noooo, don't make me gay!!!" Then, there's this imposing, darker, evil looking rat in the background. Reminds me of Agent Smith in The Matrix. He's on the train track with Neo, and he's saying, "Do you hear that, Mr. Anderson? That is the sound of inevitability. It is the sound of your death." If I were gay, I think that ad would piss me off a little.

Seriously, who funds this research? Are we, as a society, actually so threatened by the existence of gay people that we have to treat homosexuality as a disease? I mean, is there some gigantic lab somewhere, where scientists gather and network in some huge cafeteria. You overhear conversations like:

"Hi, I'm Tom Johnson. I'm working on a cure for breast cancer up on the 9th floor."

"Nice to meet you, Tom. I'm Mary Kline. I'm working on that government grant on floors 5 through 7 -- you know, the one developing an injection to make black rats gay?"

"Ooooh, big money in gay rats these days. I'm tempted to quit the whole breast cancer thing, even though we're on the verge of a breakthrough. If only I could get a transfer ... "

Original Comments

Below, are the original comments on this post. Additional comments may be made via Facebook, below.

On May 21, 2007, Beenzzz wrote:

Yes, lets abandon breast cancer and make black rats gay. You have to wonder what these people are smoking!

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