IMHO Installment #38: Old Prudes Can Kiss My Ass

07 May 2007

Ever have that feeling that your barn door's open? Like, you're pretty sure it's not, but just the same, you do a casual check, just to make sure? I had that today. I was at Giant Eagle (the huge grocery chain in Pittsburgh), got out of the car ... and the feeling descended upon me.

Normally, if alone, I'd simply check and then go on with life -- hopefully after reassuring myself that everything was in order (though, admittedly, once every year or two, I'll discover a breach that has likely been there all day long, causing a frenzied exercise in thinking backward to imagine how many conversations I'd carried on with people around the office who definitely noticed and yet said nothing).

Today, though, the feeling came upon me in a parking lot. I did a not-so-surreptitious check of the situation, even stopping and glancing down in addition to the manual feeling for metal zippage. All was fine, I'm happy to report. However, it was only just afterward that I noticed an elderly lady sitting in a parked SUV not more than 10 feet away from me. She gave me the most foul, evil, dagger-throwing glare I believe I've ever received from a geriatric. For about 1/10 of a second, I felt oddly embarrassed. Then, I simply shrugged and went shopping.

Original Comments

Below, are the original comments on this post. Additional comments may be made via Facebook, below.

On May 7, 2007, Dragon Laugh wrote:

The strategically-placed breeze is always a dead giveaway for me.

And this is the best reason for not going commando.

On May 7, 2007, Grant Miller wrote:

She wanted it.

On May 8, 2007, Chaylene wrote:

She has penis envy.

On May 9, 2007, Hanmee wrote:

You should have said you were checking because she was staring.

On May 9, 2007, Winter wrote:

What did you do?

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