IMHO Installment #33: God DAMN, people are stupid.

24 Apr 2007

I, too, brought bread to the duck pond in South Park on Sunday afternoon. That much, I'll admit. But, how much intelligence does it take to assess a duck-pond situation? Here's what I saw when I reached the water: It's a sea of bread -- whole bloated slices of the shit floating there, rotting against the rocks, clogging the drain area, washing up against the ducks themselves. There must've been 400 slices of bread floating in that little pond.

I submit that, when an intelligent person approaches this kind of a scene, bread in hand, the proper response is: "There's enough bread in the pond; clearly, the ducks want no more. Throwing additional bread in won't help."

Our park's duck pond passed that stage hours and hours before we arrived and quickly tossed our leavened offering (a few meager scraps from a bagel) into a trash can. My wife and I grabbed a park bench and watched others park their cars and approach the pond, at least half of them carrying entire loaves of Wonder bread. For that much, I don't blame them; it's fun to feed the ducks, after all. But, every other family that approached failed to make the assessment I described above.

Or, possibly, their thinking was something like: "Well, sure, there are 400 slices of bread floating on this little pond, but maybe the ducks would in fact like some of my bread." One after another, they'd unload another entire loaf of Wonder bread into that tiny pond.

By now, I'm certain that the entire surface is covered in bloated, rotten, fetid Wonder bread. There's a metaphor here somewhere, but I'm too busy to hunt for it right now. It's there, just on the surface, though. And, it's ugly.

Original Comments

Below, are the original comments on this post. Additional comments may be made via Facebook, below.

On April 24, 2007, Grant Miller wrote:

When life gives ducks bread ...

On April 25, 2007, Winter wrote:

Ducks love taco bell.

On April 25, 2007, Matt wrote:

I think they thought that the ducks might want some bread for later. You know, if they get peckish.

On April 25, 2007, Hanmee wrote:


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