IMHO Installment #31: I'm Either Losing My Mind, Or I'm Onto Something!

19 Apr 2007

I was just visiting Wormstooth's blog, reading about his upcoming vacation to Maine. And, I'll reiterate a comment here, allowing myself to enter a conspiracy theory mode for a brief moment. Last fall, I drove across Maine. Every few miles, there were those yellow warning signs, like these:

But I NEVER saw one.

I mean, is it all some kind of sick, inside joke? Do moose really exist? Could it be something merely invented by Maine residents? Like the Jackalope? Like the frumious Bandersnatch?

And, while I'm on the topic of possible global conspiracies, let's talk about IKEA. All that shit is so well thought out, so ... alien. Right? I mean, ever buy a table or bed frame there? All the sizes are weird, the pieces cut with almost inhuman precision, and the tools all things you've never seen before. I've got a bucket in my basement filled with fifty-odd hex tools, bizarre allen wrenches, cams, and little epoxy tubes so unlike anything else that I have to keep them all separate from my normal tools. Things can't be THAT different in Sweden, could they? Or, is it just possible that Ikea is a front for some alien civilization?

Heinz is another one. They're based here in Pittsburgh. Everyone can see the landmark building with the ketchup bottle on it. But, I've never met anyone who works there. Isn't that strange? Pittsburgh's the "biggest small town in the world," IMHO. We make all the MFing ketchup for the whole country right god damned here -- and yet I've never known anyone to actually work there. Odd?

These moose, these aliens, these ketchup workers ... There's something going on here, damn it! I feel as though a real break-through is coming my way.

Original Comments

Below, are the original comments on this post. Additional comments may be made via Facebook, below.

On April 19, 2007, Winter wrote:

I think Dragon Laugh might be from Maine.

On April 19, 2007, Reg wrote:

If I get the time someday I will bore you to death with tales of maurading moose in Northen Ontario. Cool moose trivia - moose are nearsighted. Now you can all go and impress your big city friends.

On April 19, 2007, FATSO wrote:

I am liking this line of commentary. Maine? I lived there for a while in 1964 when my mother was having a meltdown and my father lied to me about "being there right behind you". Yah ... fuck off.

As for moose ... well they are too big to fuck with.

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