IMHO Installment #18: Garth Brooks Probably Isn't Guardian of a National Treasure or the Bones of Mary Magdalene

27 Mar 2007

Someone found my blog recently by Googling whether Garth brooks is a member of a Masonic order. I doubt that he is, even though Garth seems pretty weird to me. (Sorry, I ABHOR modern country music, so I'm not very familiar with Mr. Brooks.)

Let's face facts: Masons are strange. They were probably cool back in George Washington's day (back when, I suppose, they actually practiced masonry). But today, they're just weird. (I ranted about them ages ago -- here.) Though I'm largely unfamiliar with Brooks, I'd say he's ostensibly strange enough to be one. But, let's hold off judgment for a moment. I'd like to point out the following known facts regarding Masons:

  1. According to the movie National Treasure, Masons are responsible for guarding an unimaginably enormous trove of ancient gold, jewels, and artifacts;
  2. According to Dan Brown's bestselling novel, The DaVinci Code, Masons are involved in guarding the location of Mary Magdalene's bones (Magdalene being not some two-bit whore, but the true wife of Jesus and mother of his children, no less!); and
  3. Masons often become Shriners and drive little go-carts around during 4th of July parades across America.

Regarding the first two, I don't think many professional country singers know how to keep their big twangy-ass mouths shut. As such, no one would entrust something so important to a country singer.

Regarding the go-carts, I think Garth is a little too heavy-set to fit into one of these.

Therefore, NO, dear visitor ... IMHO, Garth Brooks is probably NOT a Mason. I hope that clears this issue up once and for all.

Original Comments

Below, are the original comments on this post. Additional comments may be made via Facebook, below.

On March 28, 2007, Hanmee wrote:

Be careful. They are behind all kind of assassination plots and do stuff like keep the metric system down ...

On March 28, 2007, Winter wrote:

Thank you.

I was just curious.

On March 29, 2007, Monstro wrote:

Wait ... Paul McCartney? You mean the one, and only, Billy Sheares, right? The guy who took over for the Beetles after Paul died?

On August 10, 2009, Anonymous wrote:

Yes, you do know our Penalties for Breaking Obligations don't you? The Freemasons are not weird. It's a brotherhood or Fraternity of Men who pride themselves in Honor and virtue above the external advantages of rank and fortune. I suspect you don't know much about us hence the rude remarks, but I assure you we are alive and well and in fact have growing numbers. No sir, Masonry was not just "COOL" in Washington's era, it is also very positive and attractive to Young men now, whom are sick of a Keyboard and Mouse as there persona! DO THE RESEARCH!

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