IMHO Installment #4: Whores Could Make Serious Scratch Blogging

15 Mar 2007

IMHO ...

Today's whores (oh, I'm sorry ... "sex industry workers") would make great bloggers (at least in terms of ad revenues, anyway). Well, some of them would ... If you're having unprotected sex for a living, each session priced to match the cost of a crack vial, then I doubt you'd care much about accessing the Internet. (I read long ago that the price of crack in some large city -- Philly, if memory serves -- was $3. Whores in that area, not at all coincidentally, charged $3 for sex. Times have changed, I'm sure; it must be upwards of $5 or $10 by now.)

The world's oldest profession is, it seems, strong as ever. The (married with kids) IT Guy here at Horn Dog Enterprises (HDE) has, on many occasions, quietly regaled us with stories about his trips to some Chinese happy ending rub and tug joint over in McKees Rocks -- not for himself, he insists, but for his "crazy brother in law" or something to that effect. IT Guy is "just the chauffeur." (Yeah, right ... We believe you, Mr. IT Guy.)

Anyway, I was reading another blogger's critique of some woman's blog today and it revived an old idea I had. I mean, in one sense, all bloggers are whores -- at least a little bit, right? We're attention whores, I suppose -- to varying degrees. But, if you've studied some of the more popular ones, it often boils down to sex stuff, as did the blog referenced, but not named, above.

Titillation is what people want, and I'd wager there's always room for a new uber-blog in that space ... So, here's a recipe:

1. Start a new blog, making sure to engage the Google Ad-Sense feature.

2. Pretend to be whore.

3. Write up brief daily adventures about your Johns.

4. Watch the comments pile in and your Ad-Sense revenues skyrocket.

Better yet, make it a group blog. Each of your friends could pretend to be a different type of whore -- maybe each one with a special fetish and/or personality. Get yourself four or five entries per day. (That's BLOG entries, you sickos. But, yeah, you're thinking along the right lines.) It doesn't matter that it's all BS; in fact, the more fictional and outrageous you make it, the better. Sex sells; that's marketing 101.

Aside from reinventing myself as a street whore, I've decided that there are some basic improvements I could make to boost readership, such as (1) actually writing things that are interesting from time to time; (2) transitioning to soundbite-style entries instead of quirky long-form pseudo-rants; and (3) upping the general frequency of my posts.

But, maybe I am kicking around that whore idea. Or, hey, how about this: I'm not a whore per se -- I'm just some bookkeeper or maintenance man or something at the whore house? That might be interesting ... While a triple-X blog would no doubt rake in the page views, you'd nonetheless alienate a vast middle-ground audience -- those who're looking to be a little naughty, but not quite vulgar. I think maybe I'm onto something ... This tenderloin maintenance guy thing might work because you could be suggestive up to a point without going into the nitty gritty -- which, in many folks' minds, would be even more provocative.

I dunno ... I'll give the matter some thought. Did I actually have an opinion in this installment? I'm not sure.

Original Comments

Below, are the original comments on this post. Additional comments may be made via Facebook, below.

On March 21, 2007, Dragon Laugh wrote:

Another idea might be to pretend you live across the street from a cathouse, and describe the daily goings-on as seen from your porch; the people, the way they dress, how the whores addressthem and how they address the whores, etc. What could make it even more fun would be to have your made-up personality be a much older person who reminisces about thing sin their past, memories triggered by cetrain happenings in front of the cathouse. The memories would all be perfectly PG, of course, not of a questionable nature whatsoever, which would only serve to make the whole thing even more entertaining.

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