Sunday at St. Nick's

22 Apr 2014

At early Sunday's mass, with little warning,
a problem arose at St. Nick's.
It seems they amassed, that sinful morning,
too many babies for baptism.

Deacon Thomas stood, and kicked a small cat,
while cursing without absolution.
Upset, he would tell the congregation that
he could not find a solution.

But on his way,
saw Father O'Shea,
who had plenty to say:

"T'will bring you to the point
of a high elation:
Go and annoint
that young congregation,
half in the fonts,
half in wash basins!
(Of course, don't let them know what you baptise their sons in.)
Divide the church in half
and have two masses
one at the altar
and one at the organ.

Go and inform the altar boys
of the second sacremental service.
Wait for me near the bells in the foyer,
I'll be there to ring them in minute.

So, Deacon Thomas gathered his helpers
to wait for the Father O'Shea.
He prayed, God willing, that nothing should falter
and it be a blessed Sunday.

He said:

I've run out of plans,
so we'll have to do
what Father O'Shea recommends;
"The church is too full,
so split it in two
and baptise the kids at both ends!!"

[circa 1988]

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