Redskin Heads to Big Pow-Wow in the Sky

27 Nov 2007

redskin.jpg

It's all over the news... Redskin Sean Taylor is dead. I'm not a big football fan. I mean, I don't hate the game. Mostly, I just (a) don't choose to invest the time required to follow it, and (b) would never be able to live with myself after dropping several hundred dollars to buy a couple of lousy tickets, parking, snacks, and souvenirs. Which is weird for someone who lived in D.C. in '91 (when Redskins won Superbowl XXVI), has family in STL (which took Superbowl XXXIV), and lives in Pittsburgh (which won Superbowl XL) in '06.

However, for someone not into most professional sports, I'll admit a certain fascination with the bizarre tales of these athletes' lives. The doping (Cycling & other weird sports), the steroids (MLB), the dog-fighting (NFL), the womanizing (NBA), the bar fights (mostly NHL), the astronomical salaries (MLB), the inevitable drunk-driving, drug, and involuntary manslaughter charges (all of the above) ... Great stuff. I can see why we hold these folks up as heroes for our children.

Anyway, I had a favorite part of that article about Taylor:

[Family friend Richard] Sharpstein said Taylor's girlfriend told him the couple was awakened by loud noises, and Taylor grabbed a machete he keeps in the bedroom for protection . (emphasis added)

Now, Sean Taylor was 6' 2", weighed 212 lbs, and probably had no more than 5-10% body fat. I understand about some high-profile people living in fear from random kooks. But, it's also a pretty safe bet that most professional athletes (who generally live in safe compounds within ungodly exclusive neighborhoods) don't live their lives worrying about petty thieves. I mean, the dude's dead now, but it's reasonable to assume that, as of a few days ago, this isn't someone you'd want to piss off. Even for a kook.

But there's something troubling about that machete detail. The logic just doesn't add up. IF you were a professional athlete who was nonetheless still fearful about thieves, wouldn't you simply assume that the ones you'd need to worry about would have GUNS? And, if that was the case, and you still felt you needed something "for protection," wouldn't a rifle or handgun be the logical weapon of choice? Seriously, who besides possibly Indiana Jones keeps a motherfucking machete in the goddamn bedroom?!

Trust me ... there's much more to this whole story.

Original Comments

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On November 28, 2007, The Idea Of Progress wrote:

I keep nail clippers by my bed. I pity the fool that breaks into my apartment.

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